After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
sex in a hospital.. check
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
