i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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