guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
