I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
