walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
