So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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