Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You pole danced in your parka.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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