I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
