Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
