if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
