Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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