I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
