I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
