to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
