Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
