Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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