I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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