she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
