:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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