It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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