dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
