Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
