I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
