somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
