I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize