when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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