I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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