AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
