just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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