I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize