So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize