I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
