??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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