Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
