I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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