you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We are all done wearing pants today
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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