Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
