just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Mom said you looked used
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I AM VODKA MAN
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
