john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I see more hoeing in ur future
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
