I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
