What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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