omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
