i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
