I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
