I accidentally had phone sex last night
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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