I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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