can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
