i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
