I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
