ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize