I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
