I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize