the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
