I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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