just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
