I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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