my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
