I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize