Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
