My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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