We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
