I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
