Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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