I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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