I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
