yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
