I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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