Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
