My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
