I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
