I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
