so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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