dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
