omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
