There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
