Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
