im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
