Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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