i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
