I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
