how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
