I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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