Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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