your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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