Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
