I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
