This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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