Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
