so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
