I met the friendliest cop last night
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize