So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
