Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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