I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
