we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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